He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
