Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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