I wish my penis had an off switch
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You ruined the universe
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
