New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
