These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
