he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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