VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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