and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
