And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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