I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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