keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
