remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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