oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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