Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
