While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
