the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
