No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
