the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
