Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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