If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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