Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
