Non-Jews are for practice
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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