Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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