thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
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I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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