he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
