i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
