I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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