I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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