the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
