My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
