is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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