Screwed.edu
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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