Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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