; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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