Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
