As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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