Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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