When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
