I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
