Someone shit on the floor
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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