Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
