I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
