He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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