I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
