you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
