I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
