so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
