you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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