Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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