On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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