In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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