there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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