thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ok first of all what the fuck
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
do nipples grow back?
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