So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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