whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
