I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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