You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
