Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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