what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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