hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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