We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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