Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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