Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
