you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
